Parenting
We Just Might Be Ok
Mar 4th
Image via Wikipedia
Here’s a quick little story that makes me think that our kids may turn out ok, in spite of us. Last night we went to dinner and my daughter ordered the penne with alfredo while the little man ordered grilled cheese. (I’m glad they found something. It’s not always easy when a restaurant doesn’t have mac & cheese.) When the food came out the little princess dove right in enjoying every bite. My son however ate a few fries then decided that he wanted "spaghetti with white sauce". He wouldn’t give it up. He cried. He yelled. He threw a fit. It was killing us but we just couldn’t set the precedent that we can change what we want at any time and get it!
After she had had enough food the princess slid her bowl over to the prince and told him that he could have the rest. My wife and I smiled as we watched. We were so proud. But it gets better. Little boy grubbed down the pasta until there was only 1 or 2 pieces left and put the spoon in the bowl and GAVE IT BACK TO HIS SISTER!!! We told him that he could finish it but he insisted that she eat the rest. I thought our jaws were going to literally hit the floor. It was a beautiful thing.
Never underestimate your children. They will always surprise you.
b
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Our Little Princess
Jan 8th
Behold the princess of the house!
When this little one was in the womb we never would have dreamed that she would be such a little girly girl/princess. Our friends with girls would warn us and tell us how EVERY girl does it but we thought we would have the exception to the rule and she would avoid pink. WE WERE WRONG!!
We are up to our eyeballs in pink/princess/fairy/purple/ballerina goodness. I’m not sure how many magic wands we have had to replace. She has more dresses and tutus than any real princess or ballerina, EVER. Sometimes I really find it astonishing. It isn’t like we care, we are just rather surprised. I guess we were imagining more of a tom-boy type.
So why am I voicing our previous expectations and now surprise: What’s my point? Because it leads to beautiful photos like this one and that’s what we REALLY care about.
Have a great weekend!
b
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New(ish) Summer Fun!
Sep 14th
Well, we are now almost at the end of summer. The heat is starting to ease and the kids are coming out of their “summer mode”. For our family this summer has been definitely different than the previous four because the kids are now older (4 and 2) and we are able to do more things, at least more easily. Here are a few of the things that we are loving now that the monkeys are just a bit more mature.
Camping!! We were able to go camping the first summer after my son was born two years ago. He was only a few months old and his sister was two so it wasn’t too bad. Since the little guy was so tiny all he really did was sleep and hang out in the chest carrier (covered in netting of course). But that was the last and only time we have gone camping in the last two years. So far this year we’ve taken the kids twice and are planning at least 2-3 more. It is so great now that they can both walk and actually enjoy camping.
Swimming. Last year wasn’t too bad when it came to taking the kids to the pool but now they are even better. We used to have to hold my son and keep him upright in the 1ft. baby pool. Now he can walk on his own. Of course we never take our eyes off of him but at least he doesn’t need to be held. Also, my daughter can now be a bit more independent. She’s not quite ready for the big pool on her own but she is getting close.
Water parks. The idea of my little kids being old enough to take to a water park is still very hard to believe. Last year we couldn’t even take our hands off of our littlest one and now we can all enjoy a water park with slides and tons of other amazing water features. On our first trip this summer, our oldest, was a little timid at first. We had to walk around with her holding her hand as she stared at all the other kids playing and having a great time. Within 20 minutes she was off! The best we could do was stay at a fixed point where we could see her and she knew where we were and just let her go. She was running around spraying other kids, splashing in the wading pools and sliding down the small slides completely on her own. For us, that took a lot of self restraint not to be three steps behind her the entire time. We all grew up a lot that day.
We love watching our little ones grow up and become little people. They are solidifying their places in the world already. Even though we can’t wait to see what’s around the next corner, we are both doing our absolute best to enjoy and cherish what is on the present corner. Life is grand…
b
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You Must Obey Me…Or Someone
Jul 9th
Happy Fatherhood Friday! Be sure to head on over to Dad-Blogs.com and check out some terrific articles by a lot of great dads (and some moms too).
So I ran into a friend today who has a very different parenting style than my wife and I do. Her son was being a typical little boy who wanted to test boundaries and needed a lot of refocusing. I couldn’t help but notice the fact that she was constantly reminding him to ‘obey’ her. That word felt very uncomfortable to my ears as she wouldn’t release him from time-outs until he promised to ‘obey’ or asked ahead of time if he was going to ‘obey’ the librarian. Aside from ineffective parenting, something was not sitting well with me listening to her. Then I realized that the word ‘obey’ went against many of my personal values and those we have for our family. That got me reflecting on our core family values (not to steal an overly-misused Republican rhetoric phrase) and this is what I came up with.
- Independence. I hope my children grow up to be independent in their thinking, choices and actions. ‘Obey’ implies conformity, which is probably the single biggest violator of our family values. I cannot encourage my children to do what I tell them because I told them to do so. I want them to understand that the universe has consequences and we base our decisions weighing those consequences with the rewards. I do not ‘obey’ the speed limit simply because it is there, I choose not to speed to keep those around me safe and my wallet a little fuller.
- Humor. We laugh a lot in my family and I like to think we are funny people. If we aren’t then please don’t tell us, let us just go on thinking we are. Let’s face it there is nothing funny about the word ‘obey’. In fact in conjures up images of fire and brimstone….again more forced conformity. Or worse yet, I picture Hester Prynne and her Scarlet A. Still not laughing.
- Kindness. I want my kids to grow up to be kind. That is what it is all about (not the Hokey Pokey). Telling your kids they must obey you doesn’t seem very kind. Unless of course they are threatening to run into a busy street. It is not that I think that discipline in general, is unkind, actually it is quite the opposite. Teaching kids right from wrong is the most important thing we do as parents and I think it is semi-abusive to take the ‘oh isn’t it cute how he misbehaves’ approach. That strays into other posts, I digress.
So what do you think of this concept of insisting our children obey us like Moses and the Commandments. What core values does your family have and how do they leak into your everyday life, even your verbiage? Have you noticed anything from friends that really stand out as difficult for you to accept?
b
Finding Family: Internet Style!
Jul 2nd
Happy Fatherhood Friday!! Check out Dad-Blogs.com for some great reads. You’ll be glad you did.
I have a brother. I have a sister. Big deal you say? Well, I only found out that one of them even existed about 2 years ago! I grew up with my brother, (C who also contributes to the blog) for the most part. When I was in high school my dad and mom divorced and I lived with my mom and my brother lived with my dad but for the majority of my formative years we grew up together. This was the complete family that I knew of for over 25 years, until I decided to construct my family tree.
VERY Shameless Plug
Jun 30th
I just have to do this. I’m so excited about this. I have had the fortunate honor of guest posting over at the excellent SingleDad.com. RJ has really established an amazing site to help bring together single dads. While not a single dad myself I still found the articles and content to be extremely helpful in my life as well. Please take the time and check out this site, I’m sure you will be equally impressed.
b
Love and Logic Wisdom
Jun 19th
Happy Fatherhood Friday!I’d like to share a quick tidbit of advice from the folks at Love & Logic. My wife and I are firm believers in this methodology of parenting as it has served us very well. We have taken only one structured course and one quick refresher and it really helps in dealing with the typical issues with which parents are confronted. Hopefully you can find use from it too. This is from a recent email they sent me:
Dear B,
What makes Love and Logic work? Some believe it’s our strong emphasis on setting limits. They think that folks who are struggling with their kids just aren’t setting enough limits. Others believe that the power of Love and Logic has more to do with providing consequences for misbehavior. They think that those who’re unsuccessful with kids just need to do a better job of providing bigger and more powerful consequences.
Both of these viewpoints are right…and also wrong. Limits are critical, but we’ll never make them stick if we don’t have good relationships with our kids. Holding youngsters accountable for their misbehavior is also essential, but have you noticed that kids just don’t seem to care that much about consequences when they come from someone they don’t love and respect?
Everything rests on relationships. Limits gain their power from them, and so do consequences. So, if we want Love and Logic to have its full power, we’re wise to do plenty of the following:
- Focus mostly on our children’s strengths rather than their weaknesses.
- Smile at them as often as possible.
- Write them little notes that tell them how much we adore them.
- Greet them each day with a hug or a high five.
- Make sure that they overhear us talking about how much we love them.
- Deliver our Love and Logic with great empathy and sincerity.
Thanks for reading!
Dr. Charles Fay
b
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Swapping Tips (not spit)
Jun 4th
Happy Fatherhood Friday! [Be sure to check out this terrific group of father bloggers (with a few mom ones too). They are all a wealth of information.]
We all face those parenting battles. Toddlers throwing tantrums, kids begging for things they ‘need’ in the store, bedtime hassles, potty-training drama, disrespectful teenagers, the list goes on and on. We have had a long run with a 2 year old who throws a fit when it comes time to brush his (ridiculously cute) teeth. I mean a serious fit that often includes a clenched jaw with head shaking and hands flailing. Actually, this is a new trick he has learned recently for many occasions, but I digress.
My wife and I found ourselves responding in a variety of ways. There was the ‘does-he-really-need-baby-teeth-brushed-anyway’ response, the ‘open-your-mouth-or-else’ response and even a ‘fine-let-them-all-fall-out’ response (like a 2 year old cares about tooth decay). Then we tapped back into our bag of tricks and pulled out a DIRTY BUG!
OK, not really an actual bug but we were able to make tooth brushing a game in which the toothbrush chases and, ultimately catches, all the dirty bugs in his mouth. He loves it! He runs up to us with his mouth open to show us we need to brush his teeth and then runs around the house showing us the clean teeth when he is done. I love to hear him telling us ‘bug, Daddy-o, get ‘em’. Now the tantrums are gone and his teeth are clean (and I don’t dread bedtime!)
This got me thinking about our little community here. We are all full of excellent ideas and great tips, so let’s share some. What moments of brilliance have you had that you can share with new dads, old dads (that sounds bad, sorry)…anyone? Please share! 
b
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