Fatherhood
He Lied To Get INTO Trouble?
Mar 5th
Hmm, this one really threw us for a loop.
I picked up the kids at school (they are in the same class) on Wednesday and one of the first things that my son told me was that he had to be the teacher’s shadow for the day. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not so when I asked him he said it was a bad thing. After asking multiple times what he did to warrant such punishment he said he hit and kicked someone. When asked who he did this to he tells me HIS TEACHER!!! Naturally I was completely stunned and had no words. On the way home I asked him why and he just said he didn’t know.
We finally get home and he tells his mother and she’s in tears. We just couldn’t understand why in the world he would do such a thing. We discussed it and then enacted his punishment. He was confined to his room except for dinner and had to miss out on some family fun time which we embellished so he would really be disappointed that he was missing all the fun. We also gave plenty of praise and attention to his sister. And here’s the great part regarding her. She backed up his story. She told us with no hesitation that she saw the whole thing and he did in fact hit and kick his teacher.
Later in the evening we decided to email his teacher to get her take on it because we were still having a hard time understanding why he would do such a thing. Her reply confirmed that there was an attitude incident but wasn’t really a very big deal and that he in fact DID NOT hit or kick her or ANYONE at all!!! She even said that there shouldn’t be a need for any punishment because the infraction was so minor.
We sunk. For some reason our son (and his sister) made up this story and stuck to it for the entire evening, even while being punished! Why? He never once backed down from his story. Why? I can’t imagine.
The next day we did in fact confirm that he never touched anyone both from him and his teacher. We now have two things that we are trying to deal with. 1) Why he lied, suffered through punishment and why he never told us the truth. 2) Why his sister also lied, allowing her brother to get into trouble. I’m sure once she realized that she was looking like a saint she knew she couldn’t back out.
We never encountered such a thing so quite frankly we’re still having to digest it and consider our next move. Sometimes kids really confuse the hell out of me.
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Bedtime Sux
Oct 26th
My wife and I have always known that children are always in a phase and it will change. Son being a total cuddler and lover? Just wait, it will change. Daughter driving you nuts with asking for new shoes every time you go shopping? Just wait, it will change. But I have to tell you, I CAN’T WAIT until this latest phase passes, with both of them! More >
We Just Might Be Ok
Mar 4th
Image via Wikipedia
Here’s a quick little story that makes me think that our kids may turn out ok, in spite of us. Last night we went to dinner and my daughter ordered the penne with alfredo while the little man ordered grilled cheese. (I’m glad they found something. It’s not always easy when a restaurant doesn’t have mac & cheese.) When the food came out the little princess dove right in enjoying every bite. My son however ate a few fries then decided that he wanted "spaghetti with white sauce". He wouldn’t give it up. He cried. He yelled. He threw a fit. It was killing us but we just couldn’t set the precedent that we can change what we want at any time and get it!
After she had had enough food the princess slid her bowl over to the prince and told him that he could have the rest. My wife and I smiled as we watched. We were so proud. But it gets better. Little boy grubbed down the pasta until there was only 1 or 2 pieces left and put the spoon in the bowl and GAVE IT BACK TO HIS SISTER!!! We told him that he could finish it but he insisted that she eat the rest. I thought our jaws were going to literally hit the floor. It was a beautiful thing.
Never underestimate your children. They will always surprise you.
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You Must Obey Me…Or Someone
Jul 9th
Happy Fatherhood Friday! Be sure to head on over to Dad-Blogs.com and check out some terrific articles by a lot of great dads (and some moms too).
So I ran into a friend today who has a very different parenting style than my wife and I do. Her son was being a typical little boy who wanted to test boundaries and needed a lot of refocusing. I couldn’t help but notice the fact that she was constantly reminding him to ‘obey’ her. That word felt very uncomfortable to my ears as she wouldn’t release him from time-outs until he promised to ‘obey’ or asked ahead of time if he was going to ‘obey’ the librarian. Aside from ineffective parenting, something was not sitting well with me listening to her. Then I realized that the word ‘obey’ went against many of my personal values and those we have for our family. That got me reflecting on our core family values (not to steal an overly-misused Republican rhetoric phrase) and this is what I came up with.
- Independence. I hope my children grow up to be independent in their thinking, choices and actions. ‘Obey’ implies conformity, which is probably the single biggest violator of our family values. I cannot encourage my children to do what I tell them because I told them to do so. I want them to understand that the universe has consequences and we base our decisions weighing those consequences with the rewards. I do not ‘obey’ the speed limit simply because it is there, I choose not to speed to keep those around me safe and my wallet a little fuller.
- Humor. We laugh a lot in my family and I like to think we are funny people. If we aren’t then please don’t tell us, let us just go on thinking we are. Let’s face it there is nothing funny about the word ‘obey’. In fact in conjures up images of fire and brimstone….again more forced conformity. Or worse yet, I picture Hester Prynne and her Scarlet A. Still not laughing.
- Kindness. I want my kids to grow up to be kind. That is what it is all about (not the Hokey Pokey). Telling your kids they must obey you doesn’t seem very kind. Unless of course they are threatening to run into a busy street. It is not that I think that discipline in general, is unkind, actually it is quite the opposite. Teaching kids right from wrong is the most important thing we do as parents and I think it is semi-abusive to take the ‘oh isn’t it cute how he misbehaves’ approach. That strays into other posts, I digress.
So what do you think of this concept of insisting our children obey us like Moses and the Commandments. What core values does your family have and how do they leak into your everyday life, even your verbiage? Have you noticed anything from friends that really stand out as difficult for you to accept?
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Finding Family: Internet Style!
Jul 2nd
Happy Fatherhood Friday!! Check out Dad-Blogs.com for some great reads. You’ll be glad you did.
I have a brother. I have a sister. Big deal you say? Well, I only found out that one of them even existed about 2 years ago! I grew up with my brother, (C who also contributes to the blog) for the most part. When I was in high school my dad and mom divorced and I lived with my mom and my brother lived with my dad but for the majority of my formative years we grew up together. This was the complete family that I knew of for over 25 years, until I decided to construct my family tree.
VERY Shameless Plug
Jun 30th
I just have to do this. I’m so excited about this. I have had the fortunate honor of guest posting over at the excellent SingleDad.com. RJ has really established an amazing site to help bring together single dads. While not a single dad myself I still found the articles and content to be extremely helpful in my life as well. Please take the time and check out this site, I’m sure you will be equally impressed.
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Swapping Tips (not spit)
Jun 4th
Happy Fatherhood Friday! [Be sure to check out this terrific group of father bloggers (with a few mom ones too). They are all a wealth of information.]
We all face those parenting battles. Toddlers throwing tantrums, kids begging for things they ‘need’ in the store, bedtime hassles, potty-training drama, disrespectful teenagers, the list goes on and on. We have had a long run with a 2 year old who throws a fit when it comes time to brush his (ridiculously cute) teeth. I mean a serious fit that often includes a clenched jaw with head shaking and hands flailing. Actually, this is a new trick he has learned recently for many occasions, but I digress.
My wife and I found ourselves responding in a variety of ways. There was the ‘does-he-really-need-baby-teeth-brushed-anyway’ response, the ‘open-your-mouth-or-else’ response and even a ‘fine-let-them-all-fall-out’ response (like a 2 year old cares about tooth decay). Then we tapped back into our bag of tricks and pulled out a DIRTY BUG!
OK, not really an actual bug but we were able to make tooth brushing a game in which the toothbrush chases and, ultimately catches, all the dirty bugs in his mouth. He loves it! He runs up to us with his mouth open to show us we need to brush his teeth and then runs around the house showing us the clean teeth when he is done. I love to hear him telling us ‘bug, Daddy-o, get ‘em’. Now the tantrums are gone and his teeth are clean (and I don’t dread bedtime!)
This got me thinking about our little community here. We are all full of excellent ideas and great tips, so let’s share some. What moments of brilliance have you had that you can share with new dads, old dads (that sounds bad, sorry)…anyone? Please share! 
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Can We Just Put Our Kids In A Bubble?
May 21st
Happy Fatherhood Friday!I do as much as I can to protect my kids from all kinds of ‘dangers’. Things like covered outlets, baby gates, video monitors and BPA-free plastic allow me to sleep at night. I do think that sometimes my wife can go a little overboard on the whole safety thing, though. We often joke that she would like to put our children in a bubble if she could. Although we work towards balance on this debate, I am reminded that this need for safety and products that promise it can be a cultural thing. Our first daycare provider saw little need to fix the nail sticking out of the cabinet or move the couch from under the window. My wife and I couldn’t handle it anymore (even though her four children were perfectly healthy) and decided to move to another daycare provider, but it got me thinking…are we a little nuts? What are the ‘deal breakers’ in your house when it comes to baby-proofing? What suggestions to you have for new parents or parents-to-be like c?
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