Fatherhood
We Just Might Be Ok
Mar 4th
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Here’s a quick little story that makes me think that our kids may turn out ok, in spite of us. Last night we went to dinner and my daughter ordered the penne with alfredo while the little man ordered grilled cheese. (I’m glad they found something. It’s not always easy when a restaurant doesn’t have mac & cheese.) When the food came out the little princess dove right in enjoying every bite. My son however ate a few fries then decided that he wanted "spaghetti with white sauce". He wouldn’t give it up. He cried. He yelled. He threw a fit. It was killing us but we just couldn’t set the precedent that we can change what we want at any time and get it!
After she had had enough food the princess slid her bowl over to the prince and told him that he could have the rest. My wife and I smiled as we watched. We were so proud. But it gets better. Little boy grubbed down the pasta until there was only 1 or 2 pieces left and put the spoon in the bowl and GAVE IT BACK TO HIS SISTER!!! We told him that he could finish it but he insisted that she eat the rest. I thought our jaws were going to literally hit the floor. It was a beautiful thing.
Never underestimate your children. They will always surprise you.
b
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You Must Obey Me…Or Someone
Jul 9th
Happy Fatherhood Friday! Be sure to head on over to Dad-Blogs.com and check out some terrific articles by a lot of great dads (and some moms too).
So I ran into a friend today who has a very different parenting style than my wife and I do. Her son was being a typical little boy who wanted to test boundaries and needed a lot of refocusing. I couldn’t help but notice the fact that she was constantly reminding him to ‘obey’ her. That word felt very uncomfortable to my ears as she wouldn’t release him from time-outs until he promised to ‘obey’ or asked ahead of time if he was going to ‘obey’ the librarian. Aside from ineffective parenting, something was not sitting well with me listening to her. Then I realized that the word ‘obey’ went against many of my personal values and those we have for our family. That got me reflecting on our core family values (not to steal an overly-misused Republican rhetoric phrase) and this is what I came up with.
- Independence. I hope my children grow up to be independent in their thinking, choices and actions. ‘Obey’ implies conformity, which is probably the single biggest violator of our family values. I cannot encourage my children to do what I tell them because I told them to do so. I want them to understand that the universe has consequences and we base our decisions weighing those consequences with the rewards. I do not ‘obey’ the speed limit simply because it is there, I choose not to speed to keep those around me safe and my wallet a little fuller.
- Humor. We laugh a lot in my family and I like to think we are funny people. If we aren’t then please don’t tell us, let us just go on thinking we are. Let’s face it there is nothing funny about the word ‘obey’. In fact in conjures up images of fire and brimstone….again more forced conformity. Or worse yet, I picture Hester Prynne and her Scarlet A. Still not laughing.
- Kindness. I want my kids to grow up to be kind. That is what it is all about (not the Hokey Pokey). Telling your kids they must obey you doesn’t seem very kind. Unless of course they are threatening to run into a busy street. It is not that I think that discipline in general, is unkind, actually it is quite the opposite. Teaching kids right from wrong is the most important thing we do as parents and I think it is semi-abusive to take the ‘oh isn’t it cute how he misbehaves’ approach. That strays into other posts, I digress.
So what do you think of this concept of insisting our children obey us like Moses and the Commandments. What core values does your family have and how do they leak into your everyday life, even your verbiage? Have you noticed anything from friends that really stand out as difficult for you to accept?
b
Finding Family: Internet Style!
Jul 2nd
Happy Fatherhood Friday!! Check out Dad-Blogs.com for some great reads. You’ll be glad you did.
I have a brother. I have a sister. Big deal you say? Well, I only found out that one of them even existed about 2 years ago! I grew up with my brother, (C who also contributes to the blog) for the most part. When I was in high school my dad and mom divorced and I lived with my mom and my brother lived with my dad but for the majority of my formative years we grew up together. This was the complete family that I knew of for over 25 years, until I decided to construct my family tree.
VERY Shameless Plug
Jun 30th
I just have to do this. I’m so excited about this. I have had the fortunate honor of guest posting over at the excellent SingleDad.com. RJ has really established an amazing site to help bring together single dads. While not a single dad myself I still found the articles and content to be extremely helpful in my life as well. Please take the time and check out this site, I’m sure you will be equally impressed.
b
Swapping Tips (not spit)
Jun 4th
Happy Fatherhood Friday! [Be sure to check out this terrific group of father bloggers (with a few mom ones too). They are all a wealth of information.]
We all face those parenting battles. Toddlers throwing tantrums, kids begging for things they ‘need’ in the store, bedtime hassles, potty-training drama, disrespectful teenagers, the list goes on and on. We have had a long run with a 2 year old who throws a fit when it comes time to brush his (ridiculously cute) teeth. I mean a serious fit that often includes a clenched jaw with head shaking and hands flailing. Actually, this is a new trick he has learned recently for many occasions, but I digress.
My wife and I found ourselves responding in a variety of ways. There was the ‘does-he-really-need-baby-teeth-brushed-anyway’ response, the ‘open-your-mouth-or-else’ response and even a ‘fine-let-them-all-fall-out’ response (like a 2 year old cares about tooth decay). Then we tapped back into our bag of tricks and pulled out a DIRTY BUG!
OK, not really an actual bug but we were able to make tooth brushing a game in which the toothbrush chases and, ultimately catches, all the dirty bugs in his mouth. He loves it! He runs up to us with his mouth open to show us we need to brush his teeth and then runs around the house showing us the clean teeth when he is done. I love to hear him telling us ‘bug, Daddy-o, get ‘em’. Now the tantrums are gone and his teeth are clean (and I don’t dread bedtime!)
This got me thinking about our little community here. We are all full of excellent ideas and great tips, so let’s share some. What moments of brilliance have you had that you can share with new dads, old dads (that sounds bad, sorry)…anyone? Please share! 
b
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Can We Just Put Our Kids In A Bubble?
May 21st
Happy Fatherhood Friday!I do as much as I can to protect my kids from all kinds of ‘dangers’. Things like covered outlets, baby gates, video monitors and BPA-free plastic allow me to sleep at night. I do think that sometimes my wife can go a little overboard on the whole safety thing, though. We often joke that she would like to put our children in a bubble if she could. Although we work towards balance on this debate, I am reminded that this need for safety and products that promise it can be a cultural thing. Our first daycare provider saw little need to fix the nail sticking out of the cabinet or move the couch from under the window. My wife and I couldn’t handle it anymore (even though her four children were perfectly healthy) and decided to move to another daycare provider, but it got me thinking…are we a little nuts? What are the ‘deal breakers’ in your house when it comes to baby-proofing? What suggestions to you have for new parents or parents-to-be like c?
b
Helping Kids Lose Like Pros
May 14th
I was recently contacted by Tamar Chansky, Ph.D. asking if I’d like to read and comment an article she had written that discusses the pressures and emotions that some kids have to deal with when it comes to youth sports. I say have to deal with because many times they are not given many options when it comes to participating in sports as kids. She offers eight fantastic strategies to helping kids become the resilient athletes that they need to become.
I Will Not Be Parent Of The Year…
May 14th
I will not be parent of the year…
So I know we all spent the weekend celebrating the wonderful moms in our lives and they are wonderful, aren’t they? Infallible even? Hmmm….dare I say it? Probably not infallible. To be fair, none of us is the perfect parent we thought we would be. I remember back before we had children and my wife and I would look on with such judgment at all the parenting and safety choices those parents around us would make. “Oh my gosh,” she would say, “Did that mom really just give her daughter some gum…and she is only 4!” (gasp with judgment). “Are you kidding me, is that dad really going to allow that child to talk to him that way?” I gawked. But now the real world has set in and we are doing our best to be working parents who want the absolute best for our children. Sometimes, we have been less than perfect, but we always do our best. Oh, there are some things that are non-negotiables. For example, we committed early on that we would never hit our children (including spanking) and we really never would. We do not belittle or degrade them in any way, but we do let little things slip that we never thought we would.
So let’s come clean, if even for the sake of making the rest of us feel better. What have you done lately that means that you won’t likely be winning the parent of the year award?
I will begin.
- Yesterday, my daughter dropped her plate on the floor and rather than throw the whole thing away, I found myself inspecting each carrot looking for dog hair. When most of it looked clean enough, I put it back in front of her.
- When she was only 6 months old I enjoyed a good laugh at a party letting her suck on the green olives and watching her make a face. It was only later that I realized they were stuffed with jalapeños!
- I let my son take a nap on our bed one day when he was just a baby and about lost it when I heard him hit the floor.
- My 4 year old chews gum…gasp!
Ok, spill it. We can handle it!
b
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