Ultimate Birth Control
Happy Fatherhood Friday!
Let’s face it, as a guy our options regarding birth control is rather limited compared to our female counterparts. Basically it’s condoms, abstinence or the ultimate, vasectomy. The fact is that as a married guy who has been with the same woman for over 10 years and who is in his mid 30’s, condoms are NOT an option for obvious reasons. In somce sad situations, abstinence is inherent once you get married but that’s not my case nor is it really a healthy option either. As far as I can tell, that leaves the big one, vasectomy. Is it the best way to go or is it overkill?
So my wife and I have both come to the conclusion that we don’t want to have any more kids. We’re done. Finished. No mas. I really don’t have it in me to have another baby in the house. The only option really seems to be a vasectomy but I’m really having a hard time coming to grips with the permanency of it. I’ll be honest, I’m typically not the best person when it comes to really big commitments. I take them very seriously, maybe too seriously. It took 5 years of living together to finally marry my wife. I tend to over analyze any major decision and there seems to me that little is as serious as permanent infertility. I know that some people will say that it’s completely reversible and all that but from what I’ve found that doesn’t tend to really be the case. Sure they can reverse the operation (for at least $10k) but it certainly doesn’t mean that everything will be back to the way it was. We have things under control now but I still can’t help but think that an accident could still certainly happen and quite frankly, that terrifies me.
Although a vasectomy makes logical sense now, I keep coming back to the idea that what if something absolutely horrible happens and I’m left without my family, time passes and I meet someone else. What if we decide to have kids? Is the vasectomy reversal going to be sufficient enough for us to conceive? The reality is that we never know what the future holds for us and this just seems SO permanent. On one hand that permanency brings with it a piece of mind that is exactly what I want but on the other it’s almost too much to handle.
My wife has spent has spent our entire relationship in charge of reproduction (or masterminding the intentional lack thereof). I can’t help but think that it is time for me to step up now that we are done adding to the global population and be the one in charge of our family planning. It really is not the pain factor that makes me squeemish here. My wife is always quick to remind me that the pain factor was not a factor in our creating the family (specifically the birth) and actually I think that chilling on the couch with some painkillers and a stack of comedy movies will get me through the pain quite well. I guess it is the emotional toll I struggle with rather than the physical.
What do you think? Am I being ridiculous or do I have some company on this? Love to hear your comments.
b
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about 2 years ago
I’m in my early 30′s and we’re about to have our third child… and I have every intention of getting the snip sometime in the near-ish future. One time deal, done. The wife doesn’t have to worry about birth control… Just seems practical to me. -B
about 2 years ago
I got snipped a few years ago after my second daughter was born. It was easy, not overly painful, and I drove myself home. Because you’re sore for a couple days the prescription is to park on the couch all weekend and take some pain meds when needed. Find a good sports weekend and have it done prior. Beer, pain meds, sports, and a genuine excuse to do nothing. I had it done on a Thursday and the very next Wednesday I was back on the ice playing goalie for my hockey team. I never missed a game.
I knew for a while that I only wanted 2 kids and my wife agreed. I am quite happy with the setup now as I could not handle the duties of another baby. I’m done with diapers and I’m never looking back. My wife and I had a deal, if she had a c-section in round 2 she would get tied or else I got snipped. In terms of afterwards pain, I won.
My logic boiled down to knowing 2 was all I wanted. No matter what, I was done after 2. No matter what unfortunate things that may ever happen, neither of them could or would be replaced. If my marriage failed and I met someone years later that wanted kids of their own, I might consider reversal, but more than likely take the hint that it was not the right person for me. Vasectomies can have natural reversals on their own, although rare. If that happened and we got pregnant again, I would know we were supposed to have another child.
about 2 years ago
I certainly like the idea of having a prescription for sitting around and doing nothing for a few days.
I think I just need to get over my commitment issues.
about 2 years ago
I had a vasectomy about a year ago and it was the best decision we made. We have 3 kids and did NOT want another one so this was the only solution that we saw would work. The procedure was smoother then I thought it would be as I am a TOTAL wimp when it comes to needles and stuff like that.
about 2 years ago
I have heard that most guys really would never change their decision. I’m really beginning to think that this may be the way to go. Thanks!
about 2 years ago
The eternal question after kids, to swim or not to swim.
Me personally, I still swim. the wife does the BC.
about 2 years ago
I seek to find ways to avoid pain down there–that’s just me though. We use birth control and although we are done having kids we don’t think a miracle mistake kid would be so horrible.
about 2 years ago
my ex and i decided that we didn’t want anymore kids after our 2nd daughter was born. we both had one child each from previous relationships. when i found out that it was going to take 3 mos to be totally clear and that we would have to use other birth control, i decided i would get the tubal done. i was definitely on the page of not wanting more kids. plus, my ex was a total wuss. he said, ‘you don’t know how sensitive my balls are.” lol whatever. wuss, i say.
no one ever expects a death or a divorce to happen, but it does. it did in my case. when i found out that my ex was expecting a child w his gf of 3 mos (at the time), i was a bit pissed. not because i really wanted to have babies, but the fact that he could, and that if i ever wanted to, i couldn’t unless i tried a reversal which usually doesn’t work out too well. i got over it after a minute (o.k. maybe it was longer than that), but do you see what i mean?
so, all i can say is, think about it and think about it hard. the decision has to be right for you, but know what you’re giving up going into it.
about 2 years ago
I had a vasectomy in September and I have to tell you, the sex has been so much better! I was where you are, terrified of the thought of another baby. I’m a SAHD and KNOW that I can’t handle another child. It really wasn’t a hard decision at all and something that I’ve always said I was going to do by the time I was 30, I didn’t want to be any older and having children. I was 32, only because we had difficulty conceiving our second and I gave my wife 1 year to decide if she was done. It’s a huge decision and has to be one you are prepared to live with.
A site that helped me tremendously was http://www.vasectomy-information.com. I know it seems weird but watch the videos, they actually show you the procedure. It may make you cringe but it’s stuff you need to know if you are going to go through with it.